Is This What Hell Is Like

Friends, Enemies, Offers

Alright journal, I’m having one hell of a time keeping everything straight so you’re going to help me sort it all out. It’s been an interesting last few nights and I need to put everything on paper so I can figure out what I’m doing.

Went to the Bridge last night. Arrived on Ailish’s arm and wound up leaving alone. She asked me to bounce my plan off her so I did, since she’s pretty much the the only insight I have to the Queen right now. After I told her she pretty much flipped her whig. She’s horribly protective of her position, which is fine, and while I don’t doubt that she carries quite a bit of weight in this city I think she over exaggerates her abilities. Why wouldn’t she? I think she’s trying to bully me into parentage, not that she even really needed to in the first place. I think she’s beginning to suspect that I can do things outside the norm and wants to have that power under her thumb. She’s trying to leverage her best game but she’s coming up a little short. She pushed her hand too soon, she could have just as easily waited to see if I fell out of the tournament and been there to pick up the pieces and come out much further ahead than she is. She isn’t patient, that bothers me. She’s reckless, that bothers me even more. I’m not even opposed to the idea but I have a feeling if Red’s guys hear that I’ve already signed up with one of the Queen’s court before I get the chance to get in good with them… well, there goes my opportunity. She also mentioned that she doesn’t care about the assignment the Queen gave me which is out right dangerous in this city. All told, it’s pretty obvious now that her agenda doesn’t line up with Her Majesty’s and it will probably take a few more angry outbursts to figure out what she’s really after… if she even keeps talking to me that long.

Adelle Nexus is quite the woman, an obvious throw back to.. what the 20s? That was when women’s rights started getting big right? A great era to be stuck in if you ask me. She has a thing for guys that can play the guitar and collects boys like pets from what I can tell. After one song on stage I found an easy in with her, if you know what I mean. He he he. I don’t think we’re right for each other (which is a damn shame, because oh MAN the things that woman can do…). While we’d be a great hobby for each other it’s pretty obvious she’s looking over me and not at me. I can’t blame her, she’s important and I’m just another new face. Well, at least for now.

Lord North is the most solid bet. I like him because he’s like me: easy to understand, easy to get along with. He likes people that can get things done, whether it’s with their fists or their words. He’s been open and honest with me and the majority of his clan has welcomed me in like I was one of their own which is a lot more than I was expecting. He’s got a job lined up for me with some of his boys which I can only imagine are tryouts. If things go smooth I plan on asking him for parentage in the next few weeks if everything at the tournament falls flat. I could find a family among the Gangrel, and I’ve already laid out all of North’s right hand men so he knows I’m a solid bet. He also took responsibility for Donny after one of his clan hung him out to dry. That tells me a lot about him. That he cares about doing right by his clan, that he sees things that aren’t the way they should be and steps in to fix them, that he genuinely concerns himself with the well being of his clan. Those are all things that I can get behind and it would be my honor to call myself his right hand man some day. Unfortunately the queen wont see it done and I have a feeling this is the first of many things that I’m going to have to give up in this new life of mine.

Donny, my boy. There’s a lot of potential in that kid and he represents the biggest problem I have with vampires. He’s impressionable and has more than a little potential (he is a vampire after all) but instead of molding him into a bad ass the Gangrel just pick on him and hold him at arm’s reach. Donny was nice to me without any thought of reward on his own which has completely endeared me to him. I’m going to give that kid everything. I’m going to teach him how to fight, how to stand up for himself, and how to stand tall even in the face of people he thinks are better than him. I’m going to turn that kid into one bad ass vampire, then I’m going to let him tell the world “Hey pricks, who’s your daddy now?!” with a smile on his face after he’s earned it. I like being around that kid, I feel like it’s the only time I can really let my guard down. I trust Donny a lot more than I should but I don’t think he would knowingly stab me in the back because he likes me for the same reason I like him: I was nice to him, just because, without asking for anything in return. That’s rare among our kind from what I gather and I don’t want Donny to lose what sets him apart from the rest. Maybe if I can save what I value most in him I can find a way to save it in myself…

Kinley is more of a bitch than I thought he’d be. He’s out on the floor pining over Dayla like he’s some teenager that just had his heart broken. She’s his hot button and the entire world knows it now if they didn’t already. That’s dangerous for him, even if he is the Queen’s bodyguard. All the same, I tried to make friends with the guy but he’d rather sob into a glass than build new bridges which is fine with me. I hope I don’t ever come to a point in my life where I think I’m such a bad ass that I don’t feel the need to make friends with other bad asses. It doesn’t matter how good you are, you could always use another guy watching your back.

I pissed off Hikate too. I went into the Nosferatu bar without knowing what I was doing and waltzed up to her table taking what I thought might be an invention. Turns out the price of admission was a little more than what I was willing to pay. I know that I’m different from all the other vampires because I don’t smell like them but I can’t have anyone else knowing. I know that in this society being different makes you a target and I need to secure a foothold before I paint a target on the back of my head. Easier said than done. All the same, she has her clan in a frenzy and they’re stupid loyal to her for one reason or another. Three of her boys came after me for “insulting” her that night… unfortunately for them that’s the last mistake they’ll ever make. Turns out eating other vampires makes you more powerful, who knew? This isn’t my first rodeo though, I know getting too greedy and chomping up power too quickly is the best way to screw yourself six ways from Sunday so I wont be doing that again unless the situation calls for it. I was almost drained which was the only reason I chomped the guy in the first place. I burned their bodies in the sewer, shouldn’t be anything left of them to find. Rats should get what’s left when the ash blows away. Even if someone did find out, they came after me and I defended myself so I’m not too worried about it. Hikate is straddling a loose cannon whether or not she knows it and some day it’s going to go off again without her say so.

Something else, I keep running into this mystery woman. I saw her out in the day which means she’s either not a vampire or is related to me which is nuts. Ailish already told me pretty much everything humans have a story for is real. I saw her later outside the club on the bridge and again a few times in the club, almost like she was taunting me. All eyes were on her when she decided to show herself off and why wouldn’t they be? She’s probably one of the most beautiful women in the world, much less London. But there’s something more, something mysterious about her. What I do know is that, after what little time we’ve spent around one another, I have a snow balls chance of running her down so I’ve got no choice but to let her play her games. I probably need to stay away from her anyway, I can see myself getting all crazy over her. If she is my maker, some part of me wants to know why she’s playing this the way she is. Maybe she wants to see if I can cut it on my own? Maybe she’s enjoying watching me struggle? The only thing I know for certain is that vampires are just like humans in that you can’t make them all happy, and the more a few of them like you the more a different few hate you. It surprises me just how human they are in that way, honestly. You’d think they’d be over that after decades, even centuries, of bickering but I guess when you’re that old the little things are all you have to make life interesting. Maybe that’s why I get along with the Gangrel so well. She smells like fresh water lapping gently against stone. She’s as intoxicating as her scent is and it’s for all those reasons that I should be running away from her as quickly as possible. Could be worse, at least the view’s nice. Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever spent THAT long on a drawing of one woman. Man… sorry journal, you might be seeing more of her.

I keep worrying about Angie. She’s amazing and I feel like even though we hardly see each other she keeps me grounded in the absolute insanity I’m going through. Her presence is as refreshing as her art and I’d like nothing more than to keep her around. I know that things are going to get extremely dangerous and a few people have already tried to kill me, I figure it’s just a matter of time before they come for her which I don’t want to happen. Moreover I probably wont be around when they do which makes me even more nervous. I want to tell her to leave but I don’t want to do this without her. Worse, she just got accepted into a good school which would make leaving that much harder for her.

I can’t believe less than a month ago my biggest problem was finding a job and now here I am. I’m still grateful though. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, faster than I ever knew I could be, and more skilled than I ever thought possible. This life is a truly wonderful gift and I I’m going to enjoy it since it probably wont last much longer. I want to build something with this chance I was given. I want to make something more of myself than a classified case file and an honorable discharge. I want a life I can live with and I finally have the chance to make it happen.



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