Is This What Hell Is Like

Troubles, Troubles

Woke up, Ailish was over again. Brought a ghoul along for me to take to the tournament. Apparently you’re only allowed one blood doll in between fights and the third round is two back to back fights. Should make things interesting. She keeps telling me that I need some kind of edge to win this thing but honestly? All second round vampires unless their first fight was a push over are going to be hurting just as badly as I am. Flat out told me that I was denying her just to be difficult. Annoying, she doesn’t listen. Sure she told me quite a bit since I got here, but she really hasn’t told me anything any other run of the mill vampire couldn’t have filled me in on. Hell, I learned more from Donnie about the whole “ghoul” process and that’s something I can actually use! Why am I fighting her so much? It’s obvious she wants to control me. All this talk of partnership is nothing but fan service, she’s keeping secrets from me because there’s things she doesn’t want me to know. A partner doesn’t keep secrets like that from her other partner, but a master sure as hell keeps secrets from her slave. Even if I did completely trust her, which I don’t, I still want to win this thing on my own and not because someone else gave me the leg up. Me, a less than a month old vampire, beating out all of London in this tournament? Wouldn’t that be a something.

All told she’s probably right and I’m probably going to lose this thing. I’m not sure if it’s her excessive use of vampire voodoo or what but she does have me second guessing myself. What if I do win this thing? Is this plan going to work? What am I actually doing here? Am I really trying to set myself up with the best shot at doing this vampire thing or does it just piss me off that this woman is playing with me? She has to want to keep me from something, why else would she be fighting this hard to keep me from it? Ailish would make a great sponsor for any normal vampire and most would probably think they were lucky to have her. Trouble there is I am anything but normal and I have a feeling that some day if I want to keep being who I am I’m going to need the support of the only voice in the whole country that matters: the Queen’s.

One other thing that bothers me is that, when it’s time, she could just Dominate me into announcing that I’m accepting her offer for parentage and then I’d be royally screwed. That’s reason enough to lead her along for as long as I can. Sucks that the real reason I’m leading her on is because I’m still seriously considering her offer. With a little luck, the closer I get to the top of the tournament the more honest she’ll be with me. Maybe she’ll get desperate and sloppy. I mean… she’s a total babe… she knows the game and is respected or feared by everyone… she’s got more money than she obviously knows what to do with… and if there’s any truth to what Rachel told me she’s not bad company. Would it be so bad? No, I could live a mediocre life like that pulling jobs for a blood sucking sex goddess. Did whoever make me do it so that I could live a mediocre life? Doubt it. If I straddled up to the easiest offer on the table I’d sure as shit be disappointed in me, so why wouldn’t they?

So there you have it. If someone has to know your secret, it’s better to make sure as few people as possible know it. If you want to stop people from asking questions, then you better make sure those few people are as high up on the ladder as you can reach. The Queen doesn’t know it yet but I’m the most wanted vampire in this city, maybe even the world, and I know it’d be a mistake for her to not keep me as close as she can get me… not like I can just walk up to her and dump all the reasons on her.

My Asian messed up my finances, but apparently some unnamed company swooped in and saved her ass-ets. Not sure if that was Ailish or someone else. If it is someone else, is it that mystery woman I keep thinking about? It’s almost comforting, in a way, to know that she’s watching me in the city. I didn’t lie to Angie about how I felt but the only time I don’t feel alone is when I catch glimpses of that woman or something I think she did. I think the main reason is that I think she’s powerful enough to shrug off all the hocus pocus crap other vampires can do to her which means she’s really herself, really free. Knowing what vampires can do keeps me second guessing if I’m actually talking to someone or if I’m talking to some carefully programmed mumbo jumbo coming from another more powerful vampire pulling strings behind the curtain. Sucks. Maybe that’s the whole reason why I’m trying to get close to the queen?

Part of me can’t help but wonder if I’m actually the Queen’s child and she’s doing all this as some kind of test. She’s certainly unique and powerful enough to fit the bill but it’s anyone’s guess. I’m starting to wonder if winning the tournament will be enough to convince her to take me in. I might need to bag this mystery guy to make it happen. That’s another piece of the puzzle I can’t quite figure out, why send me? I’m a nobody after this guy that’s supposedly trying to overthrow her with a connections list as long as my leg? And she wants me to do all of it without backup? Then Kylee tells me that most vampires just sit on their hands for a year and get grandfathered in? Are you kidding me? Give me a break lady. I’m still just trying to figure out how to use all this superman crap.

Still, things come easy to me. A lot easier than they should. I’ve got this… I don’t know… inner reserve I guess. Like when I need it I can just… summon it up. I like knowing that when I’m at my wits end be able to drum up just a little bit more to get through. Another thing on my list of thank yous for whoever did this to me.

Most of the time I feel like I’m flying blind. I’ve got more questions than answers and the worst part is that I don’t even know what I want, much less what I’m doing. The only thing I know for sure is that once I quit having to bust my ass to keep my own damn apartment I’m going to start looking for who did this to me. I don’t even know why it’s so important to me. I guess because I want to know why this is all happening to me? Like I want to leave my past in the past so I can start over? Maybe I just want to say thank you for all the cool shit I can do now?

You know for the first time just now instead of thinking “man isn’t it cool I get to live forever” I’m thinking “holy crap, what am I going to do for the rest of eternity?”

Note to self. Apparently vampires don’t play nice with other storybook characters. Wouldn’t it be cool to have your own Grimm’s Fairy Tale Team from Hell? I gotta get me a werewolf.

Another note to self. Look for a library by the river.

Friends, Enemies, Offers

Alright journal, I’m having one hell of a time keeping everything straight so you’re going to help me sort it all out. It’s been an interesting last few nights and I need to put everything on paper so I can figure out what I’m doing.

Went to the Bridge last night. Arrived on Ailish’s arm and wound up leaving alone. She asked me to bounce my plan off her so I did, since she’s pretty much the the only insight I have to the Queen right now. After I told her she pretty much flipped her whig. She’s horribly protective of her position, which is fine, and while I don’t doubt that she carries quite a bit of weight in this city I think she over exaggerates her abilities. Why wouldn’t she? I think she’s trying to bully me into parentage, not that she even really needed to in the first place. I think she’s beginning to suspect that I can do things outside the norm and wants to have that power under her thumb. She’s trying to leverage her best game but she’s coming up a little short. She pushed her hand too soon, she could have just as easily waited to see if I fell out of the tournament and been there to pick up the pieces and come out much further ahead than she is. She isn’t patient, that bothers me. She’s reckless, that bothers me even more. I’m not even opposed to the idea but I have a feeling if Red’s guys hear that I’ve already signed up with one of the Queen’s court before I get the chance to get in good with them… well, there goes my opportunity. She also mentioned that she doesn’t care about the assignment the Queen gave me which is out right dangerous in this city. All told, it’s pretty obvious now that her agenda doesn’t line up with Her Majesty’s and it will probably take a few more angry outbursts to figure out what she’s really after… if she even keeps talking to me that long.

Adelle Nexus is quite the woman, an obvious throw back to.. what the 20s? That was when women’s rights started getting big right? A great era to be stuck in if you ask me. She has a thing for guys that can play the guitar and collects boys like pets from what I can tell. After one song on stage I found an easy in with her, if you know what I mean. He he he. I don’t think we’re right for each other (which is a damn shame, because oh MAN the things that woman can do…). While we’d be a great hobby for each other it’s pretty obvious she’s looking over me and not at me. I can’t blame her, she’s important and I’m just another new face. Well, at least for now.

Lord North is the most solid bet. I like him because he’s like me: easy to understand, easy to get along with. He likes people that can get things done, whether it’s with their fists or their words. He’s been open and honest with me and the majority of his clan has welcomed me in like I was one of their own which is a lot more than I was expecting. He’s got a job lined up for me with some of his boys which I can only imagine are tryouts. If things go smooth I plan on asking him for parentage in the next few weeks if everything at the tournament falls flat. I could find a family among the Gangrel, and I’ve already laid out all of North’s right hand men so he knows I’m a solid bet. He also took responsibility for Donny after one of his clan hung him out to dry. That tells me a lot about him. That he cares about doing right by his clan, that he sees things that aren’t the way they should be and steps in to fix them, that he genuinely concerns himself with the well being of his clan. Those are all things that I can get behind and it would be my honor to call myself his right hand man some day. Unfortunately the queen wont see it done and I have a feeling this is the first of many things that I’m going to have to give up in this new life of mine.

Donny, my boy. There’s a lot of potential in that kid and he represents the biggest problem I have with vampires. He’s impressionable and has more than a little potential (he is a vampire after all) but instead of molding him into a bad ass the Gangrel just pick on him and hold him at arm’s reach. Donny was nice to me without any thought of reward on his own which has completely endeared me to him. I’m going to give that kid everything. I’m going to teach him how to fight, how to stand up for himself, and how to stand tall even in the face of people he thinks are better than him. I’m going to turn that kid into one bad ass vampire, then I’m going to let him tell the world “Hey pricks, who’s your daddy now?!” with a smile on his face after he’s earned it. I like being around that kid, I feel like it’s the only time I can really let my guard down. I trust Donny a lot more than I should but I don’t think he would knowingly stab me in the back because he likes me for the same reason I like him: I was nice to him, just because, without asking for anything in return. That’s rare among our kind from what I gather and I don’t want Donny to lose what sets him apart from the rest. Maybe if I can save what I value most in him I can find a way to save it in myself…

Kinley is more of a bitch than I thought he’d be. He’s out on the floor pining over Dayla like he’s some teenager that just had his heart broken. She’s his hot button and the entire world knows it now if they didn’t already. That’s dangerous for him, even if he is the Queen’s bodyguard. All the same, I tried to make friends with the guy but he’d rather sob into a glass than build new bridges which is fine with me. I hope I don’t ever come to a point in my life where I think I’m such a bad ass that I don’t feel the need to make friends with other bad asses. It doesn’t matter how good you are, you could always use another guy watching your back.

I pissed off Hikate too. I went into the Nosferatu bar without knowing what I was doing and waltzed up to her table taking what I thought might be an invention. Turns out the price of admission was a little more than what I was willing to pay. I know that I’m different from all the other vampires because I don’t smell like them but I can’t have anyone else knowing. I know that in this society being different makes you a target and I need to secure a foothold before I paint a target on the back of my head. Easier said than done. All the same, she has her clan in a frenzy and they’re stupid loyal to her for one reason or another. Three of her boys came after me for “insulting” her that night… unfortunately for them that’s the last mistake they’ll ever make. Turns out eating other vampires makes you more powerful, who knew? This isn’t my first rodeo though, I know getting too greedy and chomping up power too quickly is the best way to screw yourself six ways from Sunday so I wont be doing that again unless the situation calls for it. I was almost drained which was the only reason I chomped the guy in the first place. I burned their bodies in the sewer, shouldn’t be anything left of them to find. Rats should get what’s left when the ash blows away. Even if someone did find out, they came after me and I defended myself so I’m not too worried about it. Hikate is straddling a loose cannon whether or not she knows it and some day it’s going to go off again without her say so.

Something else, I keep running into this mystery woman. I saw her out in the day which means she’s either not a vampire or is related to me which is nuts. Ailish already told me pretty much everything humans have a story for is real. I saw her later outside the club on the bridge and again a few times in the club, almost like she was taunting me. All eyes were on her when she decided to show herself off and why wouldn’t they be? She’s probably one of the most beautiful women in the world, much less London. But there’s something more, something mysterious about her. What I do know is that, after what little time we’ve spent around one another, I have a snow balls chance of running her down so I’ve got no choice but to let her play her games. I probably need to stay away from her anyway, I can see myself getting all crazy over her. If she is my maker, some part of me wants to know why she’s playing this the way she is. Maybe she wants to see if I can cut it on my own? Maybe she’s enjoying watching me struggle? The only thing I know for certain is that vampires are just like humans in that you can’t make them all happy, and the more a few of them like you the more a different few hate you. It surprises me just how human they are in that way, honestly. You’d think they’d be over that after decades, even centuries, of bickering but I guess when you’re that old the little things are all you have to make life interesting. Maybe that’s why I get along with the Gangrel so well. She smells like fresh water lapping gently against stone. She’s as intoxicating as her scent is and it’s for all those reasons that I should be running away from her as quickly as possible. Could be worse, at least the view’s nice. Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever spent THAT long on a drawing of one woman. Man… sorry journal, you might be seeing more of her.

I keep worrying about Angie. She’s amazing and I feel like even though we hardly see each other she keeps me grounded in the absolute insanity I’m going through. Her presence is as refreshing as her art and I’d like nothing more than to keep her around. I know that things are going to get extremely dangerous and a few people have already tried to kill me, I figure it’s just a matter of time before they come for her which I don’t want to happen. Moreover I probably wont be around when they do which makes me even more nervous. I want to tell her to leave but I don’t want to do this without her. Worse, she just got accepted into a good school which would make leaving that much harder for her.

I can’t believe less than a month ago my biggest problem was finding a job and now here I am. I’m still grateful though. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, faster than I ever knew I could be, and more skilled than I ever thought possible. This life is a truly wonderful gift and I I’m going to enjoy it since it probably wont last much longer. I want to build something with this chance I was given. I want to make something more of myself than a classified case file and an honorable discharge. I want a life I can live with and I finally have the chance to make it happen.

First Night

Been an interesting last few days. I figure if I live long enough I’m going to want to have a record of what these first few years are like so I can look back on them. Not sure why really, but I’ll never be in another situation like this so why not write it down? Also, on the off chance something happens to me, maybe someone will find these. And if they do, maybe they’ll do… something… with them. Anyway.

Woke up the other day in London. Kind of an odd thing if you think about it, which I did and couldn’t remember a damn thing. I had some nice digs but I was completely alone. Weird that someone would kidnap me and put me up in a 5 star penthouse right? Right. Any way, I finally conned the doorman into letting me view the security logs and figured out that I was the one that checked myself into this place and paid for six months straight up. Why I’m here, how I managed to hop the flight I did, and why I picked this of all places (not exactly low profile) is a complete mystery to me.

It started off with a thirst. You know when you’re hungry for something and you just can’t get the taste out of your mouth but eventually it goes away? This was nothing like that at all. Turns out that thirst was for blood. Turns out I have fangs. Turns out I can bite people and drink theirs. Turns out I’m a vampire? Yeah cliche I know, but I did some reading and all signs point to yes. There’s some weird shit out there about vampires. Turns out a lot of it is true.

I started figuring out that I can do things. Crazy things. I’m super fast, super strong, super tough. Not like “ex NAVY SEAL been through the ropes” tough, but like “can take bullets to the chest and keep coming for more” tough. Weird feeling that, getting shot now. Hurts like hell when you’re human. It’s a lot like getting punched when you’re a vampire. Sure it stings, but the sting goes away in a bit.

Wasn’t too long in this city when I received an unexpected visitor. Another vampire I assume, someone like me that can turn invisible. She helped herself to my apartment and left me a note then took off. I read online that one powerful vampire rules over a given area but I had no idea what kind of scope I was dealing with. I guess this lady is the god damn (literally) Queen of England? Crazy shit, she’s got a whole court of vampires playing dress up. One thing I can get into though is her tournaments. She lets all the vampires blow off steam once a month in this huge arena where they can all slug it out and resolve disputes. Kind of like an old world throwback when people used to shoot each other with pistols you know?

Any way, apparently in order to live in this country you have to have what’s called “parentage” which means a sponsoring elder. Whoever made me what I am left me high and dry so I get to figure that out on my own. I’m fine with that though, comes with the perk of not having someone order you around all the time like the rest of the vampires in this city. Trouble is, I only have a month to get this all sorted out. Not sure why she didn’t give me a lot of time, seems kind of impatient for an Immortal you know? But whatever, I can get it done. If all goes according to plan, I’ve got a surprise or two in store for the Queen. If it doesn’t, well there’s always plan B.

Speaking of, apparently vampires all come from these things called “clans” which is a big deal. I can which clan other vampires are from which apparently isn’t normal. I know I don’t smell like any of them and my gut tells me that’s a bad thing so I’m keeping to myself about this whole “family” business. They’re all real nice about it though, well as nice as blood sucking immortals can be. I showed them in the tournament that I can handle myself, hopefully that’ll shut down any ideas the others have of making me their bitch. I’d really like to win this thing and show the world I’m hot shit but come on, competing with the entire city of vampires that are hundreds of years old when I was literally made this month? Probably wont happen.

Any way, I’ve spent most of my reserve funds (the guy that made me left me with 10 Gs) but I’m trying to make long term plans. If I live forever then I can afford to be patient and wait for the money to come to me, but the thing is I need it right now. I’ve tried to stay on the right side of the law, what with being ex military and all, but that might have to change soon. It’s tough to say, but man… if I could go back to the SEALs then using what I have now? What a sight that’d be.

So picking up chicks seemed like a smart way to get easy access to blood. At first it was pretty easy using my new supernatural mojo and I thought I could get away with this stuff clean, but then I actually kinda liked one of the girls I met. She’s artsy and we met at a museum. Hey, I’m cultured. Well not really, I just figured that was an good place to meet an easy girl that was a sucker for a sweet smile. Turns out restaurants are better for that kinda thing, HA! So yeah, she got beaten up after I dropped her off and I felt responsible for it. Probably because someone’s “marked” human beat the crap out of her. I went back to sort them out but couldn’t find any leads. What I do know is that they were only there to rough her up since I found her purse in a nearby dumpster with everything in it. Anyway, I went to the hospital and decided to see if I could turn her into something like me and use my blood to heal her since I can use my blood to heal me. Not sure what happened, exactly, but it worked. I… I don’t know… I just focused on making her like me then bam, there she was. She also got some of my power, she’s super fast now. I took her back with me for the time being since I’m not sure if she’s safe so she’ll stay with me a while. Maybe longer? I also “marked” this asian accountant chick to sort out my cash. Hopefully she can keep me going for a while but who knows. I’ll probably have to resort to more drastic means.

Court was interesting, everyone walked up to “the Queen” and addressed her as exactly that. I can feel and smell other vampires when I’m around them but I got nothing on her. Not sure if she’s just that good or if maybe there’s something else going on here. She seemed really nervous about me which makes me think there’s more going on here. She has an entourage of six vampires at all times, three male and three females. The men are all bad asses and I’m sure the women are the same. What really got me was the seventh, this chick that made super nice to me the whole time. She can become invisible like me and spent the whole tournament casing the joint from the shadows. My kind of girl. Except I get this vibe that she’s a bitch. She did well by me sending me one of her human “blood doll” things after my last fight though, so for the time being I’ll reserve judgement. She said I ruffled the Queens feathers which I highly doubt is just because she couldn’t lock down my background search. Which, by the way, what the hell happened there? Apparently I don’t really exist anymore? Probably for the best. Anyway, I’m getting that most vampires can’t do what I do (like walk around during the day?) so I’m thinking she knows there’s something strange about me. Since she doesn’t know what I can do, she doesn’t know how to keep her secrets. That makes sense, but with a little luck I’ll get in her good graces and snag a spot in that court of hers. I guess we’ll see how things play out from here.

One thing is for certain, I owe a big thanks to whoever did this to me. They may not have been around to tell me how everything goes down, but that’s all crap I can figure out myself. They basically turned me into superman and I’m just fine with that.

To Eat or not to eat

Lindee — girl from the restaurant, stayed the night
Sara — girl from the cell phone store


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